What Swing Dancing Taught Me.

I nervously clutched the crumpled $5 bill to pay for the Lindy Hop lesson. It was a partnered swing dance, which meant I would have to dance with a guy. Someone had told me guys only wanted "one thing," so the idea made me cringe inwardly.

I didn't realize that swing dancing would help me reclaim understanding of biblical masculinity and femininity.

There are two positions in swing dance: Lead (usually a guy) and Follow (usually a girl).

The Lead is giving the Follow cues about where she should go, his pressure pulls her towards him or pushes her away, it guides her into different movements, and lets her shine gloriously (or crash into the wall).

The Follow keeps their core active, constantly reaching for connection, keeping beat, and responding to the Lead's communication. She is offering her strength to the Lead, making him look good in return.

Together, they are creating a matched energy dance that is constantly learning and responding to movements. They are making a dance unique to their partnership and that song.

I remember hesitating to reach out for connection for the first time. The Lead has to put one hand on my back and has my other hand resting on his. It was awkward putting my arm on a guy's arm--but then I realized it is only weird when someone makes it weird. I realized that despite what I was told about guys, not all touch is sexual... The guys who led me were gentlemen. I found it easier to put my arm on theirs, knowing they were respectful towards me.

When our dance instructor started describing partnered dancing as a masculine role responding to a feminine role, I was fascinated. It reminded me of Wild At Heart: Discovering the Secrets of a Man's Soul and Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul. Men have a deep, innate desire to lead. Women have a deep desire to be loved for their beauty. In swing dancing, this naturally shows through the partner's roles.

I have found over the months of dancing that even guys who struggled to learn how to lead in dances have discovered that they enjoy taking the lead and guiding the follower.

Am I saying that I don't believe in Women's leadership? No, I actually firmly believe in women's leadership--including in partnered dancing. Within dancing, it is leadership with humility that makes a follower great.

My leadership has taken the form of gently communicating beat or matching their pace instead of embarrassing them. It is enjoying the Leads leadership so they know they are capable of leading and feel respected (yes, that takes strength!). It is using muscle tension to respond to the Lead's guidance, with a relaxed posture to allow momentum to occur.

Leadership doesn't have to be obvious. Servant Leadership is the most humble and requires strength, courage, and loving the other higher than oneself.

I viewed the man's role as one that my own strength could rest in. A great Lead helps the Follow shine. Just as God designed marriage.

God made Man to love the Woman.

Man represents Christ's Love and pursuit of the Bride of Christ (the Church).

As I danced with different men, I learned different things about how God intended masculinity.

Strength: When men responded with strength, I could respond with my own strength. It feels good and natural. Men leading allows me to focus on dancing, I don't have to come up with the moves--I just enjoy them and add variations!

Self-Control: When men made sure their strength was just enough to help me respond and not ricochet me across the floor, I felt taken care of.

Respect Boundaries: When men ask permission before dipping or putting a hand on my back, it is respecting my boundaries.

Leads with Vision: This one takes practice... but Leads who have had time learning swing dancing have the opportunity to have a vision for the dance. They think about what moves work for the song and their partner.

Considerate of the Other: There have also been times when I burn out. Men who show compassion and respect will suggest a break, shift the pace of the dance, or save the next dance. Within the dance, consideration can be just responding with grace when you crash into each other accidentally (yes, this has happened, lol).

In learning about masculinity through swing dancing, I have also learned about my own femininity. I love learning to respond to strength with my own and realizing that true masculinity doesn't take from women but offers its strength to give and protect.

I've learned more...but this is good for one post!

with joy,

MJ

P.S.

If you're curious about what Lindy Hop looks like, this is a great example: https://www.youtube.com/shorts/hyG6CRCqkaw.

If you want to learn swing dancing, this is a great YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@SyncopatedCity.