Who am I? (The Impact of Verbal Abuse)

Who am I? (The Impact of Verbal Abuse)

“You are inconvenient.”

The simple words echoed in my life and my behaviors for 12 or more years. These words compounded by dismissing behaviors, silent treatments, disdainful looks, and other cutting words made the statement over my life seem like truth written in stone.

If it was true for him. This must have been true for everyone in my life. I was a burden.

It didn’t take two parents speaking this way in my life. It took one. Words build up or tear down according to scripture. And I know I don’t always nail it. Lord, please forgive me for when my words cut others. But words... Words impact people’s lives.

If you have ever experienced verbal abuse. You. Are. Not. Crazy. Verbal abuse has a real internal (not eternal, thankfully) impact. Words can slice into the heart and leave bruises on the inside rather than showing the bruises that physical abuse has. Neither is ok- obviously.

Honestly, it took years to realize that long-term patterns of cutting words was considered an abusive behavior. After years of prayer journaling, I had realized that I had continued carrying those slicing words as truth and law in my life.

I was told I was lazy. So, I called myself lazy.

I was told I was a burden. So, I freaked out every time I needed to ask for help.

I was told I was unpublishable. So, I almost gave up on writing.

After going to Biblical Counseling I realized that if I didn't pull out these lies and statements and examine them I was allowing verbal abuse to define who I was. I grabbed my journal and asked God to help me see the truth...

I work hard! I’m actually not lazy… I have to work on taking time to rest. Not perform harder to prove anything to anyone.

I am not a burden to Christ! And I go out of my way to be a blessing to others. While there are moments that I might temporally inconvenience someone, it is never out of maliciousness. And we are made for relationships where we love one another by supporting each other.

I am a writer! I have a different style of writing than was expected by the person who made that comment about my work. My writing is creative and for me and my audience. God made different writers to reach different people.

After journaling all this... I also did something really crazy. Just kidding it is not crazy. It is just really hard. I allowed tears.

I grieved the things said over me. I honored the emotions that those names made me experience. I had the ability to share with my Biblical Counselor and hear her reminders of how God viewed me.

And God collects those tears.

You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. Psalms 56:8 NLT

It is really easy to believe the harsh words that are said over you. And I’m going to pray right here in this post over you and I. But I want you to know God loves you so much. And only the enemy would want you to continue to stay stuck in feeling “less than”.

Craig Groeschel wrote Winning the War in Your Mind and it encouraged me that I was NOT STUCK believing those lies. I simply had to make the effort to pull those lies out and speak truth over them. Allowing God to help me out of the ruts that the words had created.

Now I’ll pray.

Dear Lord, Thank You so much for Your great love. I ask for peace over our lives. I ask for Your truth to permeate our hearts and minds. That You would help us to silence the voice of the enemy. That You would help us to speak life into the lives of others. Lord, would You heal those verbal slices and dices. Would You put Your balm on it and be the Great Comforter. In Jesus Name Amen.

With joy,

MJ

P.S. If you have had things said to you in a hateful conversation but you aren’t sure if it is verbal abuse then you can read this article by VeryWell Mind to learn more about what is or isn’t verbal abuse.

P.P.S. I am not a licensed counselor so I am only pulling from personal experience and what resources I have read. If you are currently experiencing verbal abuse please find someone who can help you assess the situation like a counselor and/or professional help who can help you figure out your next steps.